Signs Harry Potter Style
by BincaMontgomery
Summary: This is my first humor fic also posted in the Harry Potter section. This is the signs storyline but played out using the Harry Potter characters so I think it kind of blongs in both sections. Of course, since this is Humor the storyline is twisted around


James Potter: I started dating Lily Evans in our seventh year at Hogwarts, I have three best friends, and ended up marrying

Lily. We know have a beautiful baby boy named Harry James Potter, and I am sure he is going to take after his dad when it comes to being a chaser for the Gryffindor quidditch team. Boy, I have the perfect life when it comes to being a wizard.

Author JK Rowling: I'm sorry, James, but as a writer I can not allow you to have a perfect life. It's either you leave the story or I can not write a decent novel.

James: What does that mean?

Author JK Rowling: I'm writing the scene where Voldermort breaks into your home and murders you.

James: Son of a bludger

(JK Rowling finishes the last touches of your chapter where Voldermort breaks in and James instantly dies beside her.)

JK Rowling: I lose more fictional characters that way. Now, since I am the oh so gret JK Rowling, I am going to make a complicated plot in which Sirius goes to Azkaban because of Peter and Lupin thinks Peter is dead.

Lily: Do you have to?

(JK Rowling writers Lily dying and Lily dies beside her.)

(Setting: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Professor Lupin is sleeping in his room. In the distance somebody is screaming.)

Remus Lupin: (Wakes up and bangs his head on something hard) Why does it always have to be after a full moon?

(Remus gets out of bed as another scream is heard in the distance. He doesn't know why it hasn't woken anybody else up. He runs outside for a while until he comes to a twelve year old Luna Lovegood from Ravenclaw.)

Luna: Are you in my dream too?

Remus: Luna, do I look like the type of sad pathetic person who would be in your dreams?

Luna: No, you look like a sad pathetic person who would be in Minerva's dreams.

(Remus shrugs the comment off.)

Remus: Luna, where's Ron? He better be being bloody murdered after that screaming.

Luna: He's lost in that magical crop field that grew overnight behind me at Hogwarts, you idiot.

Remus: Didn't think of that.

(Remus darts into the crops while failing to avoid being hit in the face by some crops. He finds Ron who is a third year standing in the center of a big circle.)

Ron: The Owls are barking.

Remus: They don't bark.

Ron: Hey, will you stick to the bloody script.

Remus: There's a script.

(Director M. Night Shymalan rushes in with a cup of hot coffee in one hand and the script in the other. He throws the script at Remus and goes back to direction.)

Remus: Thanks M. Night.

Director M Night: Read the damn script, Remus.

Ron: There's a crop circle.

Remus: (while reading the script) How would you know that by looking down here?

Ron: I'm an all-knowing seer.

Remus: That's right. Well, we better go back to Hogwarts so I could call the Ministry and tell Fudge I think Severus Snape is messing with the magical crop field.

Ron: How do you know it's Snape?

Remus: Because I'm an all-knowing seer like you.

(Setting: Crop fields behind Hogwarts that sprung up over night. Fudge stands there in the center next to Remus.)

Fudge: And you're sure it's Severus Snape?

Remus: No, but I had to guess somebody.

(Setting: Inside his bedroom at Hogwarts Remus Lupin is a woken by Luna Lovegood.)

Remus: Damn, Luna, couldn't you find a more decent time to wake me up. You and Ron already screwed me over this morning.

Luna: There's a monster outside my room, and it's not Hermione this time.

Remus: Are you sure this time?

Luna: There's a monster outside my window. Can I have a glass of water?

Remus: What happened to the water the house elves gave you earlier?

Luna: Draco Malfoy touched it and I don't want to know what he did before then.

Remus: You got a point there.

Luna: Can I have a glass of water, idiot?

Remus: Can't you find a better time to obsess over water?

Luna: I can't, moron. It's a plot point. Oh, and there's some sort of figure in the corridor.

Remus: All right. I'll check it out for you.

(Remus goes to check the door outside of the room.)

Remus: There's no monster, Luna.

Luna: (Pointing into the corridor.) I said in the corridor, moron.

( A figure darts past and scares Remus. Luna is unnerved.)

Remus: Shut Up!

(Setting: Outside of JK Rowling's office door. It opens)

Remus: Author JK Rowling, there's a figure speeding through the corridors of Hogwarts.

JK Rowling: So give him a ticket.

Remus: This is Serious.

JK Rowling: Not Sirius... this is M. Nights part. You better talk to him.

(She slams office door and the sound of a type writer is heard.)

Remus: M. Night is not home.

(Setting: Remus is talking to thirteen year old Harry Potter in the corridors.)

Remus: Okay, Harry, we both run around Hogwarts screaming until we chase whatever it is out of here.

Harry: Why should I do that?

Remus: Do you want me to tell Dumbledore what you and Ginny were doing in the Potion classroom.

Harry: If Ron finds out that me and Ginny were writing poetry-

Remus: That's what you were doing. Damn, do I have the wrong person.

Harry: On the count of three. One...two...three.

Remus: I'm a rampaging werewolf through Hogwarts.

Harry: Man, keep that quiet. I'm a horrible quidditch player with a big ego.

Figure: You guys are severely messed up.

Remus: Come out Severus Snape. You ruined Harry's school you with your dumb Potions work.

Harry: Lupin...I could hear Snape singing down the corridors.

Remus: I'm having a off day with this accusing people.

(Setting: Inside of Hogwarts. Fudge is sitting with Rita Skeeter on one end of a table while Remus and Harry sit on the other.)

Rita: And your sure that this wasn't a woman?

Remus: Why does it always have to be a woman with you, Rita.

Rita: Well, excuse me.

Harry: The point is, this guy managed to make Luna Lovegood mental over a glass of water.

Rita: Maybe she has an issue with Men touching her water goblet.

Remus: Can you just write down the description?

Rita: All I have was that it was very dark.

Harry: Yes, it was.

Rita: And you can't describe her anymore?

Remus: It was very dark.

Harry: Yes it was.

Fudge: These people are pointless. They make me seem intelligent.

Rita: What else can you tell me?

Remus: Luna wanted water.

Rita: Can't you two get her to stop the water thing.

Harry: Can't. It's a plot point.

Rita: Well, maybe you should figure this out on your own. Oh, and Remus please take the children to Diagon Alley to keep their mind of of this stuff.

(Rita goes to leave and runs into Hermione.)

Rita: Hey, Hermione. Make sure you stay at Hogwarts. You're supposed to bug me and blackmail me next year.

Hermione: Will do.

(To be continued.)


End file.
